Saturday, November 22, 2014

You might live in rural Uganda if...

-You can’t use your appliances when it’s raining (not enough solar power)
-You can’t cut your hair with a trimmer after 5:00 pm (not enough solar power)
-You park your truck in the garage and leave it there for two weeks
-Your ‘concrete’ house is really made of cement-hardened mud
-The exterior paint you bought starts chipping off after 11 months
-The most entertaining thing you do all day is read your spouse’s sent emails
-One of your regular chores is trying to massage a few measly kilobytes out of your horrible internet connection
-A heavy gust of wind sends loose plaster down on your head
-You shower about once every four days
-Your cologne or perfume of choice is actually sunscreen
-You get caught watching really cheesy TV shows from the 1990s
-The only mall you can go shopping in is Amazon.com (when you have internet)
-Local children practice basic literacy on your vehicle paint-job...with rocks
-Your truck AC stops working because of the rat’s nest in the fan compartment
-You get excited when you hear a vehicle and run outside shouting “A car! A car!”
-The jets flying high overhead may as well be from another universe
-You eat leftovers regularly for breakfast (because of no refrigerator)
-There are at least five species of ant in your house at any given time
-You repair your kid’s $2 flipflops over and over with needle and thread
-You reuse matchsticks (to light a second burner)
-You get a new CD you like and listen to it 272 times
-Expired pudding packets are the culinary highlight of the day
-You consider weevils in your food ‘extra protein’
-You can cook ‘greens’ in twenty different ways
-Children scavenge your burn pile and hyenas your yard at night
-The most mental stimulation you get all day is a cup of tea
-All your underwear are now twice their original size (due to hand-washing)
-You have to clean fecal matter off your chicken eggs
-You use a barter system locally instead of money
-You halve or even quarter your paper-towel squares and wet-wipes
-You have recipes for over-ripe fruits
-You feel like sterilizing your hands after touching cash money
-You flush your toilet with gray water
-Dish soap is your main cleaning product
-Giardia is your go-to weight-loss program
-You eat salted butter by the spoonful to regain lost weight
-You have discovered the joy and freedom of relieving yourself outdoors in nature
-You put more money in vehicle maintenance than in rent
-You have been blessed by someone spitting in your face
-Your bowel movements are either loose or non-existent
-You no longer know what is considered appropriate humor
-One thing you do have is an endless supply of salted roasted peanuts
-You discover a nest of mice in your sheets...while you are in bed
-Going home after a major shopping trip involves 400 miles and 14 hours
-You keep a Benadryl itch-stick by your bed at night
-Your local neighborhood park has lions, elephants, and giraffes
-You use four different languages in one conversation
-Your orange juice and milk come in powdered form
-You eat some form of beans at least five times a week
-Your chicken comes to you either alive or in a tin can
-You are the neighborhood pharmacy, ER, hardware, daycare, and machine shop
-You can see into three countries from your front lawn
-You can’t hear each other talk when it rains heavily (noise on a tin roof)
-Your office, library, bedroom, shower, toilet, and the place you have 'dates' with your spouse...are all the same room.
-You spend one of said 'date nights' coming up with blog posts like the present one

6 comments:

Teatree said...

Love it! These experiences will warm (and haunt) you the rest of your lives.

Anonymous said...

I love reading your blogs. Thanks for letting us eavesdrop on your date night. Jimmie

The Reeds said...

A mice nest in your sheets?? Oh dear.. that one is more than I can handle.. a fun list. ;)

Notinthewild said...

This was hilarious. There are no words. The one I burst out laughing on was, of course, the mice nest...

Ruby& Monroe said...

That list was quite amusing. So life goes on unhurried and full of adventures! An interesting post.

ChadandRachel said...

So many good ones, but my favourites are:
-The most entertaining thing you do all day is read your spouse’s sent emails
-One of your regular chores is trying to “massage a few measly kilobytes out of your horrible internet connection”—NO KIDDING
-Your cologne or perfume of choice is actually sunscreen
-You get a new CD you like and listen to it 272 times—IF THIS NUMBER IS PRECISELY TRUE< THAT'S EVEN BETTER
-You have to clean fecal matter off your chicken eggs—I REMEMBER THIS!
-Giardia is your go-to weight-loss program—HA!
-You have discovered the joy and freedom of relieving yourself outdoors in nature—AMEN! YOU KNOW, I MISS THAT . . .
-You no longer know what is considered appropriate humor
-You discover a nest of mice in your sheets...while you are in bed
-You use four different languages in one conversation
-Your office, library, bedroom, shower, toilet, and the place you have 'dates' with your spouse...are all the same room.
-You spend one of said 'date nights' coming up with blog posts like the present one